Warm Glowing Warming Glow

The Gay Bomb Drops

Dear Jenny,

I am still hyperventilating as a result of last night's Gossip Girl and I'm kind of pissed off at Us and Kelly Rutherford for leaking the business about Eric. We've got bigger problems, though, don't you think? Here are mine:

1. The show only really sings when Rutherford, Leighton Meester or Ed Westwick is on screen. Last night's episode was extraordinary in being entirely Chuck-free (and Nate-free, for what it's worth), and yet compelling from beginning to end. But it brought home how dependent the tone of the show is on those three actors.

2. Are we sure this show isn't on Fox? Last week's Nelly Yuki material made me more uncomfortable the more I thought about it (I think I initially praised that subplot because Blair was so good). The take-away from this week was mildly supportive of gay teens, but we got there via some pretty homophobic stuff.

3. Michelle Trachtenberg is still not clicking for me. I think the problem is maybe the character: Georgina is unbearably evil. Even when Blair was being mean to Serena at the beginning of the season, she was never this bad. Also, again, see above about Leighton Meester doing no wrong.

What did you think? Do you care? After all, the fashion remains so great.

Love,

-- Pete

Can't. Look. Away

According to this report, the Luke-Noah Big Gay Kiss on As the World Turns has sparked what looks like a fairly lame boycott of Procter & Gamble, the conglomerate that produces ATWT. I accidentally started flipping through the comments section of the story and found that I had to read them all -- really creepy.

Huh

I stopped watching As the World Turns last fall, because I was getting bored with it. Apparently Wednesday's episode was something to see: 

Spoiler Alert: Kelly Rutherford Is Very Charming

Kelly Rutherford tells Us Magazine kind of a lot about upcoming Gossip Girl plot points, here. Seriously -- she seems like a delightful person, but she also tells more than I wanted to know. Oh well.

3-2-1 Contact

Holy crap. I think I'm no longer allowed to make fun of As the World Turns. My expectations, based on the aftermath of last summer's Luke storyline, was that they would either drag the Luke-Noah flirtation out all summer, waiting to see if they were going to get into any trouble with focus groups, or else drop it entirely in favor of other storylines with the same characters who always tend to dominate the show. I could not have been more wrong.

Early in the week, there was some sort of minor misunderstanding among the three interns: Maddie had decided to defer enrollment at her dream school, Wesleyan, in order to attend Oakdale University with her band-new boyfriend, Noah. Luke, reasonably, albeit not very tactfully, told Maddie it was crazy of Noah even to ask her to do such a thing, crazier still for Maddie to agree to it. Noah, who seemd to be already itching for a fight after the après-swim near-clinch, got inordinately angry with Luke for meddling.

Meanwhile, Noah's father, Colonel Mayer, showed up to try again to cajole Noah into enlisting. He was basically offering the same deal as earlier -- if Noah joins the Army, his Dad will pay for Northwestern -- but the approach was somehow different. Colonel Mayer wanted to give the money as a reward because he was proud of Noah, but Noah could only take the money if he joined the Army. Then the topic of Maddie came up; Colonel Mayer was delighted to learn that Noah has a girlfriend and charmed by Maddie. He invited the pair of them to an impromptu lunch, which was awkward, because Noah was late for some reason, which led to Colonel Mayer accidentally almost questioning Maddie about her serial killer sister. Worse, he let slip that he had suspected Noah of inventing Maddie or else using her as a smokescreen. Perceptive, Colonel Mayer!

Meanwhile, a repentant Luke (although, come on, he had nothing to be sorry for) brought Noah and Maddie lunch at the station. Noah, freaking out, needed help with his necktie, which led to a surprisingly long, unobstructed kiss. Wow!

The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades

Last week, on As the World Turns, Luke and Noah got very close to a clinch. (I know!) It was after they went swimming at Snyder Pond. There was some horseplay, which anyone who has ever played high school sports (or seen Personal Best) can tell you (if they're honest), usually leads to sexual confusion, not infrequently to gay sex. It's very exciting. It's almost happening too soon. Then again . . . I wouldn't be surprised if Luke and Noah take a backseat for a few weeks, while prurient viewers enjoy an endless loop of flashbacks to the almost-kiss. (See also last season's porny backrub slo-mos.)

He Likes Him Likes Him

Some more movement on the Luke-Noah storyline on As the World Turns.  They actually got two days in a row, which is unusual -- except during the big Branson location shoot/Cleo debacle, we've been seeing Luke, Noah and Maddie at best about once a week.  This week, Noah confronted Luke, who's been avoiding him; Luke admitted that he likes Noah, that way.  Noah handled that well, except that he went through a suspicious amount of "I'm not gay."  But he was nice to Luke; I think we ended with the two of them agreeing to be good friends, because they're both very lonely.  But then -- suspicious! -- Noah told his "girlfriend" (an appellation Maddie seems uncomfortable with, considering that they haven't actually really done much together, aside from work and of course that one-night stand in Branson) he's taking her on some big trip to the beach or something. 

The Luke-Noah scenes continue to be well-written.  It's weird, because overall, As the World Turns seems like a pretty dumb show: it's not funny or witty like it was when Hogan Sheffer was the head writer, or intricate and suspenseful, the way it was during the Doug Marland era.  The non-Luke stuff is mostly a wasteland of people doing stupid things for stupid reasons.

Cyrano de Imsosuregerac

A little bit of forward movement on the Luke-Noah story. That is to say that Van Hansis and Jake Silberman appeared in a scene together this week. Luke, Noah and Maddie are all interns at WOAK, the local television station that is co-owned by, I think, Luke's mother, Lily. Their responsibilities are vague (not just because they're television characters in an underwritten storyline, but also because they're interns), but I think that they're supposed to be producing content for the station. Until yesterday, I thought that meant that they were reporting, but now it seems like they're producing a scripted film or series, possibly called "Cellphone Girl,"* which is weird, because this is really just a local station and what local (non-Canadian) television stations produce their own, scripted content? (Maybe it's a web-only series?) Luke is writing lines for Maddie to read and Noah to film and they're all about unrequited love. Luke's inspiration? Noah. I'm not sure how long we have to wait for Noah to figure it out and whether that will be before or after he starts requiting. 

*Sorry.  I was in Slovenia when this storyline began.

Product Placement, Missouri

I've been fast-forwarding through As the World Turns for the past week.  The teen set is on location in Branson (Noah's hometown) for a benefit concert and a showdown between Gwen and her buck-toothed doppelganger, Cleo.  I'm watching the Luke and Noah stuff and trying to ignore Cleo, a character I find somehow offensive -- and not just aesthetically -- even if I'm not clear exactly which social group Cleo is insulting.  Is there a lobbying group for the severely inbred?  The Branson shoot is kind of funny, though, just because it appears to have been paid for entirely by promotional considerations: a lot of establishing shots of restaurants and theme parks, plus dialogue that's bluntly favorable about the food and sightseeing opportunities. 

So far, a lot of mixed messages from Noah.  First, he and Maddie shared mochaccinos (gay) and blondies (gay).  Then his father (Daniel Hugh Kelly) told him he can't study film (straight) in Chicago (gay), because he has to serve in the military (gay).  Next, he took Maddie to a water park (straight) and slept with her (straight).  Then he dropped his towel in front of Luke (gay).  Later, he acted weird when Luke came out to him (gay).  How does that math come out?

Would You Like Poutine with That?

I spent all weekend watching season five of Degrassi: The Next Generation and now I am a complete wreck. 

Seriously, those Canadian kids and their mixed-up lives.  This show, in case you haven't watched it, is not unlike the issue-driven teen shows that the late Aaron Spelling used to produce, Beverly Hills, 90210 and 7th Heaven.  The difference is that whereas the Spelling shows usually introduced one-off characters that his regular cast could help deal with the burden of cutting or bulimia or Islam, the Degrassi kids are the ones who have to suffer with topical problems. 

And do they suffer!  Emma (Miriam McDonald) has been menaced by a cyber-stalker, had a boyfriend with drinking, anger and homelessness issues; been assaulted by her brain-damaged father and held hostage in a school shooting; belonged to the local oral sex club and developed both gonorrhea and anorexia nervosa, the latter of which caused her to be hospitalized for a panic attack.  Paige (Lauren Collins) was raped; her best friend lapsed into a coma after falling on a rock while being beaten by her boyfriend; she had an affair with a teacher before becoming a lesbian.  Craig (Jake Epstein) is bi-polar and lived on the street; both of his parents (one of whom was abusive!) are dead and his girlfriend had an abortion. 

It sounds really dire, I know, but often it's very funny as well -- sometimes just because it's hard to know how else to respond to what's occurring on the screen -- and the things the show does well, it does better than anything else on television now or ever.  For instance, I can't think of another show that has handled the full range of teenage sexuality so well or so bravely -- the Paige-Alex (Deanna Casaluce) love story is really excellent and the on-going story of gay student body president/valedictorian Marco (Adamo Ruggiero) is almost as good -- Marco is a little too one-note and his love interest, Dylan (John Bregar),  barely registers as a character, but the writers don't shy from giving them action.